The Voice of Free Planet X

True stories of fictional people, from Jared Axelrod

Episodes

Episode 134: Drawn In INK Russell Collins--yes, that Russell Collins, the one I talk about at the end of each episodes, that one--turns the tables and interviews me for a change.  But not just me.  You see, it is the eve of Wizard World, and myself and my good friend and artist Steve Walker are going to to continue to hock our wares to the good publishers temporarily residing here in Philly.

Yes, it shall be Damn Epic.

So Russell interveiws myself and Steve about the comic, about the research we've done for the comic, and about how awesome we are.

Luckily, we like talking about all of those things.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net
Direct download: Episode_134-Drawn_In_INK.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 12:21am EDT
Comments[15]

Episode 133: My People Need A Place To Go The leader is the party
The party is the leader's mind
He said: "My people need a place to go!"
 
"Down At McDonnelzz" was written performed by Electric Six, and was made available courtesy of the Podsafe Music Network.  You can find more work and information about this artist at www.myspace.com/electricsixmusic

"None Shall Pass" was written and performed by Aesop Rock, and was made available courtesy of the Podsafe Music Network. You can find more work and information about this artist at www.myspace.com/aesoprockwins

"Young Folks (Disco Mix)" was written and performed by Peter, Bjorn & John. and was made available courtesy of the Podsafe Music Network. You can find more work and information about this artist at www.wichita-recordings.com

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net.

Direct download: Episode_133-My_People_Need_A_Place_To_Go.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 12:10pm EDT
Comments[10]

Aliens You Will Meet - The Viliquay The minds of the Viliquay are incredibly fast, often processing and becoming bored with a thought in mid-sentence.  While this may make their conversation difficult to follow, it is suggested that you merely nod.  The Viliquay will anticipate your response before you even think of it, and will behave accordingly.
Direct download: 34_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-The_Viliquay.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 9:45pm EDT
Comments[4]

Episode 132: Panda's Big News Panda shares his recent news, both about Tea Con and the brand new Voice of Free Planet X shirt featuring him.

You should buy one. 

You know you want to.

Go on.  They're available at Free Planet X Apperal.

I mean, look how cute Panda is in his Flickr: www.flickr.com/photos/teatimewithpanda

Yep.  That's pretty cute, all right.

Maybe you should buy a shirt.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net
Direct download: Episode_132-Pandas_Big_News.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 12:57am EDT
Comments[10]

Episode 131: Feedback To Front Balticon is over, but before we can enjoy its audio bounty, we must first take care of some pre-Balticon business.  Namely, feedback.

Just about every episode of the past week was commented on, which is nothing short of astounding.  Clearly, I’m doing something right.  Some of the noteworthy elements:

•    I am an enabler
•    Mash-ups are a moral gray area
•    Some feedback is better responded to in character
•    Our meat, and how we treat it.
•    Backup daily to avoid data loss!
•    The races of fantasy characters
•    The laughter of Nobilis
•    The Duncan Brothers deserve money!

Also, long time listener Christ the Fixed Kitty of the Adult Space Child Free Podcast has a request.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net.
Direct download: Episode_131-Feedback_To_Front.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 11:37pm EDT
Comments[6]

Balticon.  Lots and lots of Balticon...
Direct download: Interlude_1-How_I_Spent_My_Memorial_Day_Weekend.mp3
Category:Interlude -- posted at: 12:13am EDT
Comments[3]

Aliens You Will Meet - The Krinclops The Krinclops are species that places great cultural value on the mocking of foreigners, and will no doubt make fun of smooth skin, your two legs, your left hand and your solitary head.  This sort of constant barrage of insults is not necessarily mean-spirted, merely a an element of a centuries-old culture

So do not take it personally when you are introduced to Krinclops ruler as "Smoothy McLeft-hand, Who Got His Head Mixed Up With His Feet"
Direct download: 33_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-The_Krinclops.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 11:48pm EDT
Comments[2]

Episode 130: The Duncan Brothers, Stage 2 Genius internet filmmakers Brant and Ian Duncan return to discuss their upcoming film "Overdrift: Stage 2," the sequel to their immensely popular film about dinosaurs and drift-racing, "Overdrift."

We talk about working with their largest cast yet, the creative influences of this film, the importance of family both in front and behind the camera, and the fabled release date of "OD:S2" itself.

The Duncan Brothers website: www.theduncanbrothers.com

The Duncan Bros's Channel on YouTube, www.youtube.com/user/duncanbros and on Myspace.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net.
Direct download: Episode_130-The_Duncan_Brothers_Stage_2.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 3:26pm EDT
Comments[1]

Episode 129: Things We Can't & Won't Feel Sorry For Inspired by arecent THIS AMERICAN LIFE episode about people who won't apologize ), I thought about doing a VoFPX show with people who WILL apologize, people who apologize for things the have nothing to do with.  A series of apologies about things we cannot possibly feel sorry for, because they are literally not our fault.

We're not sorry.  We can't be sorry.  We won't be sorry.

But we'll say it anyway, if it makes you feel better.

"Five Easy Pieces" was performed by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and was made available courtesy of the of the Podsafe Music Network. You can find out more about them at clapyourhandssayyeah.com/.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net
Direct download: Episode_129-Things_We_Cant_And_Wont_Feel_Sorry_For.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 10:53pm EDT
Comments[12]

Episode 128: Even In Arcadia, Part 3 Bingo awoke the next morning to find himself in bed, the middle of a field.  Mr. Leroy was there, sitting on the edge of his bed looking smug.  He was holding Bingo's copy of "Off On A Comet," and chuckling to himself.  Bingo wasn't able to form exact words, but he was able to sputter out a "Wwwwhhhhhaaa?"

"Oh, you're awake," Leroy said, snapping the book shut. "Quite an imagination on this Mr. Verne, eh?  You have his other stuff? Absolutely fascinating."

"The Marionette" was performed by the Two Star Symphony and was made available courtesy of the of the Podsafe Music Network. You can find out more about them at www.twostarsymphony.org.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net
Direct download: Episode_128-Even_In_Arcadia_Part_3.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 12:49am EDT
Comments[11]

Episode 127: Is It Better To Feared, Or Respected?

Robert Downey Jr, as weapons manufacturer Tony Stark, poses that question in the visceral opening to IRON MAN. Stark goes on to say that you can have both, and indeed, that’s been the American Way since we dropped the bomb on Hiroshima


This summer’s other cinematic offering from Marvel Comics, THE INCREDIBLE HULK, tackles the atom bomb through an angry, green metaphor, but IRON MAN goes at it direct.

It’s not an unusual premise to hoist a superhero movie on—it was one of the many themes playing out in the over-stuffed SPIDER-MAN 3, for example—but Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby, the writing team that also gave us last year’s CHILDREN OF MEN, having something more bleak in mind...

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net.
Direct download: Episode_127-Is_It_Better_To_Be_Feared_Or_Respected.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 10:00pm EDT
Comments[5]

Episode 126: Site Specific Stories, Jockey's Ridge There’s a part of the horizon where the sand meets the sky, and the clouds look low and tangible.  You can’t touch them—you know you can’t touch them, but they look so close.  So ready.

“It’s a fool’s errand, you know,” the wise man says. “The air is for the birds, and the bees.  To do otherwise would be something akin to madness.

But I stay here, and I try.  I’ve built my wings of lighter and stronger material every time.  And everytime I crash into the sand, I see that for a moment, the sand flies into the air too.

This is the first in a series of Site Specific Stories, impromptu fiction created in response to a specific environment.  It was written and recorded at Jockey's Ridge State Park.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net.
Direct download: Episode_126-_Site_Specific_Story_Jockeys_Ridge.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 8:55pm EDT
Comments[16]

Episode 125: Chatter Gravity.
Astronauts.
Socialism.
Hufflepuff.
Filking.
“I ain’t sayin’ she’s Death Eater.”
Laughter.
Frogs.
Fucking frogs.
“Don’t you forget about me.”
Mathew Wayne Selznick.
Brave Men Run.
“Music is like math in the air.”
Intervals.
Inflation.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net.
Direct download: Episode_125-Chatter.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 10:54pm EDT
Comments[1]

Aliens You Will Meet - The Scusicians The bodies of the Scusicians are fractal in nature, so do not be alarmed if some small duplicate of the dignitary you are speaking with pops off of the larger body to do some mundane task.  The Scusicians are fascinated by beings who cannot do this, so be prepared to give long, detailed descriptions of every mind-numbing, tedious and loathsome task you had to do yourself without the help of cheerful, miniature assistants.
Direct download: 32_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-The_Scusicians.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 10:51pm EDT
Comments[4]

Episode 124: Message From The Future Many years into the future, I will try to get Skype working again.  And on that faithful day, a millennia from now, Paul Fischer will be on the other end of the line.

The more things change....

Special thanks to Paul Fischer, of the Balticon Podcast for being on the other end of the line.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net.

Direct download: Episode_124-Message_From_The_Future.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 11:53pm EDT
Comments[22]

Episode 123: Things We Say About Movies, In Bed With Panda holding the microphone, J.R. Blackwell and I discuss the finer points of fantasy entertainment as exemplified by three films we watched recently:

Iron Man: ironmanmovie.marvel.com
Speed Racer: speedracerthemovie.warnerbros.com
Hogfather: www.hogfatherdvd.com

Also discussed is the level of violence appropriate for children, why life-and-death situations get me upset and the glorification of materialism in modern, over-the-top summer cinema.

And, yes, all three of us were in bed.  But Panda’s always there.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net.

Direct download: Episode_123-Things_We_Say_About_Movies_In_Bed.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 11:09pm EDT
Comments[5]

Episode 122: We're All Standing Right Here C.A. Sizemore, all-around good guy and long-time listener of the show, lost his wife Kelly this morning.  I only know him through the internet, through Twitter and through his calls to show, but this has still hit me hard.  Maybe it's because the third anniversary of my father's death was only a few weeks ago. 

Or maybe no one should have to loose a loved one.

But we do.  And in times like these, it's good to know that someone like C.A., who was just nicest guy you'll meet, has engendered such goodwill that a fund in his name has reached over $1000: casizemoregift.chipin.com/ca-sizemore

That, my friends, is all the faith in humanity one needs.

"Hold On" was written and performed by Tom Waits, courtesy of the Podsafe Music Network.  You can find more work and information about this artist at Epitaph.com.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net.
Direct download: Episode_122-Were_All_Standing_Right_Here.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 9:14pm EDT
Comments[0]

Episode 121: Mash Up My Heart In the Spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.

Well, love and mash-ups.

“Shut Up On A Blue Monday” was mashed-up by ComaR. You can find it and other mash-ups at www.myspace.com/comarbootlegs

“Closer To Business Time” was mashed-up by Dan Dickinson. You can download it and other mash-ups at vjarmy.com

“Nelly Furtado's Crazy” was mashed-up by A plus D. You can download it and other mash-ups at aplusd.net

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net.
Direct download: Epsiode_121-Mash_Up_My_Heart.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 11:17pm EDT
Comments[4]

Episode 120: The Proper Preperation Of Children The first assumption is that you can procure a whole, fully-dressed child. In some parts of the country this might be easier than in others. Figure on about 1.25 to 2 lbs per person of dressed child. For the wedding we had a 160 lb child (husky fella, that one)to feed about 100 people. This was supplemented with thighs, (a trackstar, naturally) and many other dishes. At another event, the child weighed 60 lbs and fed about 30 people.

Another assumption is that you have a safe environment for storing the child from the time you abduct it to the time you begin cooking it. It doesn’t matter how good something tastes or what sensations a food item gives you, if it isn’t safe to eat, you’re going to be in serious trouble. Fortunately, the FDA provides some simple guidelines you can follow to help ensure safe storage....

Special thanks to Richard Kalwaic for reading this episode.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net
Direct download: Episode_120-The_Proper_Preperation_of_Children.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 11:38pm EDT
Comments[3]

Episode 119: Feedback Returns It's Feedback Friday once again, and once again I respond to your emails.  In the wake of The Great Deletion (I explain it in the episode) feedback of this sort is wonderful to read.

Discussed this episode:
  • The tattoos Panda may or may not have
  • How awesome JR and my lives are (again)
  • The London subway bombings
  • The Great Deletion
  • "Tea In Bags"
  • The nature of internet relationships
  • The Sartorialist, at thesartorialist.blogspot.com
The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net
Direct download: Episode_119-Feedback_Returns.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 6:26pm EDT
Comments[8]

Aliens You Will Meet - The Docalleral The aquatic Docalleral spoken language has defied all attempts of translations, as the atonal singing they produce is as much dependent on the condition and temperature of the water as it is on inflections of the speaker. They also have extremely short memories and refuse to speak with anyone who cannot properly breath underwater. It is then suggested that you do not meet them at all, but rather send a polite note saying you have already met them, and that they enjoyed your company immensely.
Direct download: 31_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-The_Docalleral.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 8:38pm EDT
Comments[3]

Episode 118: Even In Arcadia, Part 2 The rest of the staff echoed Molly's warm sentiments, and greeted Leroy pleasantly, and although he still wasn't sure of all their names--he already confused the cook Anatole with the hallboy Eustace, and no idea the kitchen girls names, though they each just told him--he felt very familiar with all of them.  Cogs had warned him not to get too familiar, as he would be spending most of his time with the family, but Leroy couldn't help it, and told Cogs so.

"I'm only human, after all," Leroy said.  That got a chuckle out of Cogs.

"The Marionette" was performed by the Two Star Symphony and was made available courtesy of the of the Podsafe Music Network. You can find out more about them at www.twostarsymphony.org.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net
Direct download: Episode_118-Even_In_Arcadia_Part_2.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 10:21pm EDT
Comments[6]

Jared Axelrod is all things to all people, and he does a daily podcast. He makes things with his own hands, creates fiction, defends honor ANNNNNNDDDDD justice. He never gets mad nor will he ever start a fight. You should listen to his daily podcast, The Voice of Free Planet X and his weekly podcast, Aliens You WIll Meet.

He will be attending Balticon to do a live Aliens You Will Meet and will author the third installment of Lancelot Biggs: Spaceman.

Jared is interviewed by our very own Martha Holloway.

PROMO: Aliens You Will Meet

PROMO: The Voice of Free Planet X

MUSIC: Beautiful by Sons of William courtesy of Sons of William when we saw them at Jammin Java

Theme Music: Space Monkey by Jim Hodgson

Direct download: BC41.62-Axelrod.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 11:08pm EDT
Comments[4]

Episode 117: Even In Arcadia, Part 1 The thin man's eyes were cold.  They reminded Sir Edward of nothing so much  as the moon that poked that shown through the window.  The moon was bright tonight, and it's glow made the thin young man seem unearthly.

"This is a frightfully good letter of recommendation," Sir Edward said.  "Frightfully good.  Lord Smitters speaks very highly of you. Almost higher than he spoke of Cogs. Cogs, you know Mr. Leroy here, back when you were with Smitters?"

Cogs, Sir Edward's butler, knew that Lord Smitters has been deceased for quite some time.  He also knew that there was a man now living in Lord Smitters house, who looked like Lord Smitters, sounded like Lord Smitters and, most importantly, signed references with a signature indistinguishable from the one used by Lord Smitters....

"The Marionette" was performed by the Two Star Symphony and was made available courtesy of the of the Podsafe Music Network. You can find out more about them at www.twostarsymphony.org.

The Voice of Free Planet X theme was written and performed by Russell Collins of www.clockworkaudio.net
Direct download: Episode_117-Even_In_Arcadia_Part_1.mp3
Category:podcasts -- posted at: 11:47pm EDT
Comments[1]

1